Pre-Release Weekend

How I truly feel about my pre-release weekend.

The age old adage that is "if you build it, they will come." doesn't often ring true in the music industry. If it were, there wouldn't be artists who pump out dope music to empty bars or subpar entertainers who pack out stadiums. There are so many other factors that need to be taken into account as a musician. For the sake of aforementioned adage, lets sort them into two categories: Building "it", and getting "they" to come. I made the mistake of consuming myself with both and I haven't gotten much sleep because of it.

About a year ago I made this decision to take some time to create this album. I moved back into my parent's place, took some wacky jobs that allowed me some flexibility. I organized sponsors, musicians and engineers, sent out the S.O.S. to news outlets and put together a blowout weekend. It was daunting but I believed so much in what I was working on that I assumed everything would fall into place. I was in over my head way before I even knew it because I was wearing entirely too many hats. Little tidbits of the plan were falling by the wayside because I thought I could do everything by my lonesome. Also I thought (and still think) the music is THAT good. I knew that didnt mean anything so I did everything in my power to try to move the masses. The workload proved too great at times. Due dates were missed, emails were forgotten and things weren't ready. I had done the research and realized, in theory, what it would take. In practice though, I had went about the strategy all wrong.

I'm still having trouble telling myself I failed. Maybe I didnt, but I definitely hadn't succeeded. Not the way I wanted to. Last week it weighed on me. Heavily. Even though strangers high-fived me at the end of my listening party. Even though best friends told me this is the best they've ever seen me at the show. Even though people closest to my career were colored impressed at the brunch. Still, it didn't seem like enough for me. I had these standards set for myself and I didn't quite reach them. That's the scary part about having goals sometimes. Maybe you don't achieve them in the fashion that you planned. 

But life hurls curveballs at us all the time. I've have a lot of success and I don't talk a lot about my failures. It's difficult to acknowledge failure, let alone dwell in it in hopes of improving. But I've learned from the process and plan on adapting. There was a lot of good about the weekend (and maybe I'm being hard on myself) but I know it could've been better. I know I could've been better.

For those who came out this weekend or had anything to do with it, thank you. From the bottom of my heart. The sponsors, the musicians, the venue owners, the friends, The social media sharers, all of you guys. Thanks for believing in my insanely crazy journey. Thanks for the kind words. Thanks for everything.

Sidenote: Most of you probably just wanna know when the first single for the album is coming out. Just keep holding them horses. Or, proceed accordingly.
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